sebastianfucker:

sebastianfucker:

successfully profiled and found a lost cat thanks to a criminal minds binge someone tell the FBI to hire me

My roommate came to get me because the cat was missing. I paused the show and went outside and I was all walking around the crime scene like okay the kitchen window is open and there is no screen so he must have jumped out here and ran off and they were like “so he’s gone???”

And I was like “we’ll pretend I’m a cat. There are two ways to go, towards the street and the lights or into the dark. A cat would choose the quieter dark spot” so I went into the dark and there like ur never gonna find him but I said LISTEN Spike was an outside cat before we moved and he’s been trapped inside so I bet he ran to the most bushy and grassy area. They said I was full of shit but u know what I found in the bushes? The fucking cat bitch I’m FBI material.

iwanttobeafirefly:

hazel2468:

czechs-and-holdings:

Can we PLEASE remove the stigma for blue collar work in America?

“You don’t wanna be a garbage collector when you grow up, do you?”

$34,000 a year, no college needed?

God forbid you take an honest job $7,000 above Michigan’s average cost of living line.

“You don’t wanna be a ditch digger.”

Bitch, I was making $15 an hour, post tax, doing exactly that, the fuck is wrong with it? (Other than it was physically exhausting.)

We need to help America, as a whole, understand that college is not, and should not be he only option, and that there is NO SHAME in trade school or even getting a career right out of high school.

I, personally, know plumbers making $80,000+ a year. Better than most 4 year degree workers.

We need plumbers, janitors, truck-drivers, garbage collectors, machinists, to keep this nation running smoothly. And they deserve respect for what they do.

Miss me with your classist bullshit.

“You cannot demand services and then degrade those who provide those services.”

Not sure who said that it but it has always stuck with me because hell it is so true.

Respect.

And then when there’s no one left to do those jobs because everyone else is so highly educated, the government will have no choice but to bring in foreigners to do them instead which will no doubt lead to the eventual “damn all these immigrants trying to steal our jobs”

vampireapologist:

idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.

aaaand the blacklist site of tumblr is gross. yeahhhhh. not stepping back in there. 

was waiting for the shoe to drop for a while now but i really wish liz was really dead. her and tom are super annoying. i wish they committed to it

bemusedlybespectacled:

nonlinear-nonsubjective:

sonneillonv:

castiel-for-king:

maliwanhellfires:

just-shower-thoughts:

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”